How To Reduce Anger In Your Everyday Life

Sometimes the real causes of your anger might be staring straight into your face every moment of your wake up time.

As much as you hate to admit it, you are not satisfied with your current state of affairs and you know it is time to make new changes.

Living in a state of prolonged anger is not healthy and can lead to a variety of mental and physical issues. This can include stress, heart attacks, anxiety and depression. Worse still, you are not the only one suffering from it, but your family members, friends and loved ones are also being negatively affected.

Are you and your spouse having issues?

This is often a root cause of anger in couples. If you find that you tend to fight or argue at night when discussing almost any issue, then try moving your discussion times to the morning because that’s a time when most people are more refreshed, positive and clear-headed.

If problems are just not getting resolved after multiple times of attempts and real effort, then it may be time to face the cold hard truth that the relationship just isn’t working anymore (or you have chosen the wrong relationship to enter into).

Maybe a change in environment will solve most problems. But it can also be time to put an end to the relationship. Living in a toxic relationship is unhealthy, unfulfilling, soul-killing to both of you.

Your anger may stem from having a huge mortgage.

It may be better to think about cutting the luxurious lifestyle you guys have accustomed to, moving to a smaller home, or getting rid of certain possessions that are burdening your freedom. Alternatively, consider moving to a different city where housing prices are cheaper.

Sometimes, you may hate the fact that certain things your children are doing are making you boil!

For example, their messy rooms may sometimes drive you crazy every time you walk by them. Instead of letting it get to you, try closing the door for a moment and teaching your kids to take responsibility of their hygiene and orders, instead of exploding your anger and frustrations on your kids.

Another common lifestyle issue that piss people off is job related stress that you bring back to home.

Imagine that you’ve worked all day and you have to come home late to a busy house. The minute you walk through the front door, your kids bombard you with requests and then there is a dinner waiting to be cooked.

Try this solution: Tell your kids that the first 15 minutes when you come home is yours.

You are not to be bothered unless it is for a total emergency. Such 15 minutes of buffer allows you to gather your thoughts in order, take some deep breathes, make a tea and just regroup after the stresses of work.

Surprising Pros And Cons About Anger

We all have experienced strong emotions like anger at some point in our lives.

Most of the time we deem anger as a negative emotion that we need to get rid of, but surprisingly, anger can also be a positive thing.

Just like most things in life, anger is not a black and white thing. Anger is just not all negative or all positive. There’s a huge gray area spectrum between each extreme.

Of course we have all heard about the negative consequences anger bring, here are some of the main problems people always talk about:

Anger can make you sick

Getting angry sets off many negative biological effects just like stress.

When you are angry, your “stress hormone” cortisol is activated, and some experts proposed that this hormone is linked to all sorts of negative outcomes.

Duke University researcher Redford Williams has found that anger can even negatively affect your cardiovascular system. So yes, anger can be related to serious health issues like heart attacks.

Anger can destroy your relationships

No one wants to spend time with someone who is angry too often.

If you have an anger issue, it will be a major challenge for your social life. Friends, family or even strangers will be repelled to spend time with you. If your anger problem isn’t dealt with, your closed ones will be fearful of you and slowly move themselves away from you.

Sad truth that’s going to hurt many people.

Anger can impair your thinking and judgment

When you are angry and are clouded with emotions, you are unlikely to be able to make any good, clear, smart decisions. A high level of intense emotion often leads you to behave recklessly, dangerously and do things entirely wrong.

On the other hand, the positive effects of anger aren’t often as obvious. We don’t often associate anger with good outcomes. Have said that, here are a couple of benefits of anger that can help you:

Anger can move you to take action

Sometimes a little bit of anger is all we need to get off our butt and do something constructive. Many important events in history were ignited by anger – anger of being oppressed by tyrants, anger of the injustice legal system, anger of the explosive status quo, anger of unfair racial discrimination etc.

A more personal example: Have you ever worked extra hard at something just to prove your doubters wrong?

That is anger in action. You are angry they would doubt you so you are motivated to prove them wrong by becoming successful.

Anger can be a clear expression of your standards and boundaries

When you are angry, people notice it. This is a good thing because it can lead you to finding a solution to the problem that angered you in the first place.

When you direct your anger towards someone, they now know there is an issue (and quite likely what that issue is). You can then work on dealing with it.

Hiding anger in relationships can actually be detrimental. If people are making you angry and they don’t realize it – they will likely continue the behavior and both of you will be living in lies.

Although the negative effects of anger probably outweigh the positive ones, that doesn’t mean there is no place for anger in our lives.

The key is to make sure that you are aware of your anger, you are under the power of channeling this strong emotion, and then utilize it as a power to take action to make constructive things happen.

What To Do What Your Anger Is Out Of Control

How frequent is it when you notice that your anger and emotions are getting out of control that’s driving you all sorts of inappropriate, reckless, crazy behaviors?

To the majority of us, it’s undeniable that life is tough, challenging and stressful these days. However, it is still important to learn how to control your temper.

One critical thing to remember is that you are always 100% in control of your emotions.

While you should never find yourself in a situation that you can’t control, you always have choices as to how to react to any kinds of situations.

By allowing yourself to even think that your temper is controlled by other people or circumstances, you are just making an excuse for yourself!

To a certain extent, anger is actually a powerful emotional response.

It reminds you what you don’t like about your life and what matters to you. It allows you freely express your frustrated feelings, but it should never overpower your self-control.

If you find that you are turning into a violent beast when angry hits you, you have an imminent dangerous problem to fix. If you really find it difficult to handle, you might as well consult some anger management experts for advice.

Remember this powerful paradigm shift: It is not how you are feeling that is wrong. It is what you do with your feelings that become the issue.

If you allow yourself to throw a tantrum and fling your arms around, ranting wildly like a lion king, this is obviously not a good sign. You are liable to hurt other people’s feelings as well as possibly causing them physical harm.

When you let your temper get the better out of you, you may face serious consequences like:

Detrimental to your unstable mental health
Severely damaging your physical health, some may even trigger heart attacks or latent diseases
Ruining your professional career because you’re confronting your boss, colleagues or even clients in a mindless way
Destroying relationships with friends, family, lovers and co-workers
Failing to create the kind of impact you want in the world because no one wants to help you with your vision and mission

Luckily, there are solutions to this problem.

Your first step is to seek out help and learn to manage your temper in a more effective way. This can include group therapy or it can consist of you learning how to manage your anger by yourself.

Learning to control your temper will take time, energy, effort and patience. One of the first things you should do is to try to determine what the root cause of your anger is.

Did you grow up in an angry household where you witnessed a lot of fights and dramas?
Have you experienced a traumatic event in the past about people?

Sometimes the root cause of anger can be hidden deep inside. It is only with a lot of self-reflection, soul-searching and meditating that the answers will be revealed.

Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed and start making a list of all the things that make you angry. Then put them in order of importance – which one lights your fuse first. Once you know what your root cause is, you will be able to devise a better strategy to deal with it and slowly change your behavior.